Accepting your body post baby
Over the years I have talked with mums about all the changes our bodies go through during pregnancy and after birth.
Here’s the summary of what mums have told me:
The failure of the system in supporting mums postnatally - mums not being aware of the possible outcomes for their bodies post birth - mums who were not aware of the various problems they would have long-term, but also surprised in the lack of physical examinations post birth in checking episiotomy wounds and pelvic floors. The lack of support around breastfeeding and the effects on the mothers body (aka breasts).
Failure of the system in supporting mums postnatally in understanding what exercise is suitable for the postpartum body - no systematic assessments of birthing injuries etc to determine a suitable timeframe for return to exercise. Mums feeling a bit lost and unsure of when and what would be suitable.
Changes to size and shape of bodies means that clothes don’t fit - wider hips, larger legs, larger breasts, swollen feet remaining after birth. Wearing ‘maternity leave outfits’ or generally still wearing maternity clothes.
Many mums felt that exercise pre-babies kept them sane, that it was really good for their mental health and this was their motivation for exercise rather than looking good or feeling physically good. Now that it’s not happening, mums are feeling a big loss in the way they cared for their mental health, or were able to have a release of mental energy.
Mums are now feeling they have limited fitness and strength in their bodies, they are still dealing with consequences from pregnancy and birth some 5 or 6 months later, and have lost the part of them that was the fit person. They struggle with only being able to do gentle exercise such as walking, pilates or yoga, rather than high intensity exercise. They struggle with not being able to exercise at the time of the day that normally suits them, now needing to fit in with baby and family times when partners can assist with caring for babies.
Most of all, mums lack motivation, even when they know they will feel better afterwards, they know it’s good for their mental health, they want some me time and they want to be fit to keep up with their kids. So although many mums understand the benefits of exercise on both the body and mind, the motivation to do so often goes out the window due to constant tiredness - both physically and mentally, especially due to the worry and mental load a lot of mums carry.
“It’s tough. How do we feel okay about our bodies that can now be so different? They look different. They feel different. They move differently. ”
Karen O’Mara - body after baby
Sometimes it’s in the focusing of what your body has achieved. If you conceived a baby, carried a baby and birthed a baby, it’s an amazing feat! Your body has worked in wonderous ways, and we often forget to celebrate that. If you breastfed your baby, even for a few weeks, it sustained life! We forget that too. If you are bottle feeding your baby now, you are the one going through the motions to ensure your baby survives. You are the hands on person taking care of your baby and other children if you have them. Let’s focus on that for a second.
Can we focus on what your body is ABLE to do? You are able to walk with your baby, carry your baby, bend over or squat to pick your baby up. There’s plenty that your body does on a daily basis to love and care for your baby. We often take all of that for granted.
But this doesn’t take away the negative feelings we can often have. The feelings of embarrassment or shame of being a larger person than we were before. The feelings of self consciousness of not wanting our partner to see us naked and worries that he or she may not find us attractive anymore. The gut wrenching feelings of not finding something nice to wear, of hating our image we see in the mirror, or the disappointment of not being able to do what we used to do and so desperately want to do again. There can be a lot of negative stuff and that’s okay too. It’s normal in the adjustment of motherhood to learn to love and accept the body you now have. It comes with time, and sometimes it comes through being able to share your feelings with others, be it friends or with a counsellor.
We are all so critical of ourselves at times - it’s easy to be critical but it can be so hard to be compassionate and say the lovely kind things we would say to a friend. But what would you say?
Sometimes we need to take the pressure off, we need to just survive with our babies, but we can also live our best life. We can ‘make’ ourselves go for that walk, we can plan our food better to ensure we are eating healthy (especially when we need to grab things with one hand while holding a baby), we can see a women’s health physiotherapist or exercise physiologist for advice, and we can be kind to ourselves.
Your bodies are amazing! Celebrate what you do have and if you need support to jump the hurdles of negative thinking and feelings about your body, reach out to me and I can link you with some services. As always, you don’t need to be alone.